The Bluer Shade of Sexism

Obviously there's no way that I, a self-proclaimed feminist (and outspoken one at that) could have possibly traveled to Iran and not have written a post about gender inequality.



Definition is not gender exclusive.

But before you start rolling eyes and clicking out of this tab, this isn't one of those posts.


In the west most of the inequality presented to us is in the realm of female subjugation. We are bombarded with images of 'repressed' women drudging around in burqas or little girls being married off to middle aged men or even more horrific cases of honour killings. And lets be honest, these images and themes around women's role and worth in society is extremely upsetting. And not that I didn't feel the more subtle forms of sexism while in Iran--wearing a compulsory hijab, having to ride in the back of the gender segregated bus, being slightly felt up in the hustle of the Grand Bazaar. But I'm not here to talk about that, projecting my 'White noise' onto an issue that is already heavily loaded with information.


I want to talk about those experiences that affected ones I care about, and that's how sexism and the notions of gender roles and expectations limits men. And I'd like to illustrate this through two stories of men that I came to know in Iran.

For privacy sake, lets call this man Y. Now Y has lived in Iran his entire life, and with the exception of a trip or two to neighboring countries hasn't much left the Middle East. Now recently Y has had some problems with his knee that required him to have surgery, causing a limp and impeding his ability to walk long distances and climb stairs. Now while this problem and recovery may only be interim, the expectations and projections about him as a male continue on. It's finally come the time where he will have to report for duty as a man, and prove his worth in that regard. And now that he was recently denied a petition to drop that commitment due to physical inability, he must face a choice. Stay and serve, or escape into asylum.



The other story is of my friend X. X's story is slightly different in the sense that X has the good fortune of living and studying outside of Iran for the time being and possesses a passport--a step ahead of friend Y who is stuck inside Iran unable to get a passport until he reports for duty. That doesn't necessarily mean that X has more privilege, mind you, for in this distance from Iran he has made a choice, a choice that in multiple conversations I'm not sure if I would be able to make. A choice that because I will never walk a day with his pants, I will never know. Though X will never have to report for military service, after his school finishes he will in turn have to make the sacrifice of never seeing his home again as a trade for those two years of service.

There are countless stories like this, as men come of age in Iran and begin thinking about their future and their forced obligations and patriotism to their country. While Iran is not unique in requiring military service of it's men, the fact still remains that millions of men are expected due to their masculine supposed superior strength and fighter instincts to sacrifice two years of their life--in the prime of their life, for their country. Now with the exception of Israel, this military conscription is a uniquely male problem. We talk about women having equal rights to combat and other positions in the military all the time but often forget about the lack of choice many men have around the World when it comes to joining the military. And I don't think until I met men, scared out of their wits or running away or temporarily postponing and avoiding the question for mental peace that I realized how big of a problem it was.

I'm a person who is big on needing control, nothing new for most people. And bing forced to stop midpoint in your career, family, and LIFE to go and serve a government you probably don't even support--putting yourself in harms way sounds pretty out of control sexist to me. And seeing the way it mentally torments some good men I have come to know makes me believe that this has got to be a bigger problem than a few sad stories about men in Iran. And yes, though women do not have this compulsory service and suffer in other unique ways, the fact still remains that this is a problem that derives from the fact that we still support ridiculous gender stereotypes and expectations that manifest themselves in limiting people's choices, whether or not that is a man or a woman. And a problem that, because we often focus on the subjugation of women and in my opinion often lack when it comes to talking about gender equality in terms of  improving men's gender expectations, continues to go on. 


My heart breaks for these boys, whose hearts turn more and more to stone everyday as they force themselves into a kind of numbness to cope with the fact that they may very well have to escape. They may very well never return back to theır home, their family, their culture. That they will learn new languages by necessity, not force. That they may be thrown around various refugee countries camps' until they finally find one sympathetic enough to let them in for good. Or even worse, that they may have to report for duty and face the danger therein. As if avoiding military service was the only reason to leave, and many more leave for a myriad of reasons. But regardless of the choice they make they will have to live with the weight of this burden and these choices for the rest of their lives.

This is the bluer side to oppression I got to see in Iran that keeps its mouth shut but it's guns up, it's eyes open, it's mind aware. That is forced to be tough or get out. And I don't think  until we start acknowledging these uniquely male challenges can we create enough trust and have enough men around to help us fight for women's rights as well--especially in the Middle East as more and more good men like X and Y flee their country.

They are men's rights. They are women's rights. They are human rights.

We have to care.