I want it to be plain--
plainer than that
pink sleeveless dress you insisted on
wearing every day last week
even though that boy in your class said it
made you look fat.
What does he know of fat?
I want it to be so simple
that when you bite into it like that
ordinary vanilla ice cream cone
we bought last Thursday at the Thrifty's down the road--
that the taste of it on your mouth sends shivers down your tiny little spine
exploding into a dance of sugar-induced happiness.
I want it to be like that.
So lets state it as fact.
There are not words to describe your place in my life
but you're so smart-you don't even try to explain.
Instead, you draw me pictures. Our dresses echoing the colors of the rainbow
our bright yellow umbrella hairs standing straight out like chinaman hats
we saw that one time in that cartoon,
your tiny hands wrapped in mine like little sausages
I could just bite off and eat
if they weren't constantly wrapped around my neck--
lopsided imperfect hearts falling all around us like rain.
One day you'll understand how
looking at you makes me want to buy a white van
and spray LOST KITTEN on the side
driving through your neighborhood with my windows rolled down
and a "free candy" melody blasting from my loudspeakers
How holding you makes me want to go back to school and be an engineer
who can design new ways to create beds that are shaped like my arms
when you finally fall asleep after insisting we read
'The Hungry Caterpillar'
three times in a row, even after we've read 'The Lorax'
four times over because evens make better sense
in my CDO world.
One day you'll understand how
loving you makes everything else so clear
--like a telescope focusing in on the reasons why
dying doesn't seem so scary anymore.
why living no longer feels pointless,
how earning a wage moves from paying the rent
to paying whatever gods may be
each day they let you run into my arms once more
when I walk through those doors at your afterschool day care.
I hope that one day you'll remember
even through all the "i hate you's"
through all the "you ruin my life's"
even when you write poems about
how deeply troubled your childhood was.
I want you to know that I tried,
that there were a lot of things you may have never gotten
but if there was anyone who ever wanted to 'get you' more it was me--
and you were never in want of love.
I need you to know that.
And I never meant to live my life as an 'I told you so'
but I pray that the day you finally look into the mirror that is your
true self and see your little girl
running through the grass so wild and free
you will know what salvation means
and it will open up a place in your heart called home
where I have always been.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The Things I Couldn't Tell You
I didn't want you to cringe
when I reached for the sixth straight time in a row at that dinner party
to push your hair back once more to
prove to others that the lighthouse in your eyes
was real. That the beacon of light that spoke to me
across the tides of my own insecurity came back
solid and sure, grounding me to a shore
called home I had never quite come to reach yet.
İ didn't mean to make you inkeeper.
It didn't come to me then, forgive me
If I had known, I could have whispered to you the way
your body felt against mine in those last few moments before the alarm woke me up
from the dream i felt against your back, holding in every bit of utensil
we had become in the night--to fight
those heavy lids once more in the hopes of being the one to slip away first.
What words are there for this?
You tell me that
no one told us how to enjoy the laughter of strangers,
yet I find myself caught in a perpetual smile--doubled over, hands clutched desperately to my stomach
as if it held the secrets to why my throat fills with stones every time I smell your perfume
on my pillow at night, as if holding on to the tightrope of my life
could help restore some internal balance I feel as I fall
further and further into your magicians spell,
hands first--reaching into the dark for the parts of me
I am reminded are missing by the way you come in to fill them.
Lets not speak of this in the future, to hear those words
might make it less true--might act as a thief in the night whose light footsteps
make heavy pain for morning waking. I'd rather
drown in the way your sweat falls like honey
after we make love--heavy breathing creating a symphony of poems
for which there is no dictionary. For which there is no land.
To which there is no microphone, just the small sweet reassurance that
when I close my eyes
and tilt back my head expectantly
to feel the autumn rain
a small part of me
will be reminded of the things I couldn't tell you
because I didn't have to.
And it will be enough.
when I reached for the sixth straight time in a row at that dinner party
to push your hair back once more to
prove to others that the lighthouse in your eyes
was real. That the beacon of light that spoke to me
across the tides of my own insecurity came back
solid and sure, grounding me to a shore
called home I had never quite come to reach yet.
İ didn't mean to make you inkeeper.
It didn't come to me then, forgive me
If I had known, I could have whispered to you the way
your body felt against mine in those last few moments before the alarm woke me up
from the dream i felt against your back, holding in every bit of utensil
we had become in the night--to fight
those heavy lids once more in the hopes of being the one to slip away first.
What words are there for this?
You tell me that
no one told us how to enjoy the laughter of strangers,
yet I find myself caught in a perpetual smile--doubled over, hands clutched desperately to my stomach
as if it held the secrets to why my throat fills with stones every time I smell your perfume
on my pillow at night, as if holding on to the tightrope of my life
could help restore some internal balance I feel as I fall
further and further into your magicians spell,
hands first--reaching into the dark for the parts of me
I am reminded are missing by the way you come in to fill them.
Lets not speak of this in the future, to hear those words
might make it less true--might act as a thief in the night whose light footsteps
make heavy pain for morning waking. I'd rather
drown in the way your sweat falls like honey
after we make love--heavy breathing creating a symphony of poems
for which there is no dictionary. For which there is no land.
To which there is no microphone, just the small sweet reassurance that
when I close my eyes
and tilt back my head expectantly
to feel the autumn rain
a small part of me
will be reminded of the things I couldn't tell you
because I didn't have to.
And it will be enough.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Yo, Iran. It's America. Let Me Holla at You...
 |
| "How does world peace by Christmas sound?" |
That's right--Obama called Rouhani, and plans are now being made to try and settle the nuclear weapons issue that's gutting Iran by heavy sanctions and polarizing the two countries in the next 3-6 months. And while I kind of agree with a lot of people that 6 months is a rather short time frame to reconcile years of hatred and injustice on both sides, I would say that with an open mind and willing disposition it at least hopefully won't take another 40 years to reverse. The groundwork is being laid--and despite Israel's skepticism, I remain optimistic.
As Hamid and I sat side by side last week watching as our Presidents' gave their speeches to the General Assembly, it was a weird mix of emotions--shame, pride, hope. I was desperately trying to reflect on all that I had been taught both explicit and implicitly about Iran and gage it against the reactions I saw in his face as he watched his people being framed through the lens of the red, white, and blue. And I could feel his eagerness when Rouhani stood up and talked about the way my countrymen had been treating his homeland through the past several decades and how much he wanted to prove his people's desire for lasting peace. We were anxiously nervous and stubbornly positive that the timing was right to start moving forward as cooperative nations. Though despite these mixed feelings at coming from enemy countries, the first thing we both said when we sat back after watching the speeches was "well...if we can do it, they can do it."
 |
| Anyone else get warm fuzzies at this smile? |
So here's to hoping for the best and trying the bottom-up approach.
'murica, out.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
First Sight That Took My Breath Away
So I promised I would do a "first" post on the first of each month from now on, which of course means I would be late the first time. Go figure.
On facebook I asked you what you wanted to know, and while I applaud your suggestions of "first time you realized JGL was your soulmate" and "first time you had to poop in public without a bathroom"--I decided since it was a 3-way tie to go with Ingrid's suggestion of "the first time I saw a sight that literally took my breath away."
As I sit here thinking about different experiences I've had, ones that have awed and humbled me to my core, I can't help but think there is a huge "site" and "sight" difference in which story to tell. While there are many I could chose from as far as "sites" in my travels--I think I'd rather talk about the first time, or one of the most memorable times in my life, that I remember actually seeing something for the first time that really solidified a concept for me. I hope this is what you were talking about with your suggestion, Ingrid.
It was my senior year in high school and I was busy trying to shape myself into the perfect university candidate--community college classes, two jobs, early morning church school, sports, violin, some type of social life--essentially a very busy person who, despite a loving heart sometimes got a little self centered (as most teenagers do). I remember it was the day after Christmas and I was supposed to work at Sylvan Learning Center, a shift I was hardly looking forward to with my lazy two-week break searing itself into my work ethic. Lucky for me, God must have loved me (early morning seminary...he should have) because it turns out Sylvan was closed and my shift was cancelled. Thrilled that I could go home and spend another day lazing about admiring my new gifts in a warm and loving home, I was driving back down Martin Way when I saw a man standing on the corner of the intersection begging for money.
Now I'm not a cynical person, as many are when it comes to giving strangers money. I believe there really are a lot of systemic and personal issues that affect a persons morale and physical capability of working and providing for themselves rather than it being lazy people just looking for a handout. I believe this is even more true when you see people out in the extreme heat/rain/snow as I don't know any decent wage earning person who is dedicated enough to put up with the elements. Since it was boxing day and thus freezing, it was one of those days and seasons where I was feeling especially generous (especially in light of my cancelled shift) so I turned into Safeway and got him a hot chocolate and a muffin. Giving homeless people tangible stuff like this always makes me feel better as well--the argument that they could use it for crack or whatnot becomes immediately invalid. Plus I love to feed people.
So I pull into the gas station this guy is standing in front of and I get out of the car to go to give him his hot chocolate and muffin. I'm not expecting a long exchange, just a "thank you" or a "merry Christmas" or in the worst case scenario a crazy-person look that sends me running back to my car in which case I now have hot chocolate and a muffin to console me. I hand the man his hot chocolate and muffin and wish him a merry Christmas, throwing in a smile for good measure--- and this man just starts sobbing. He's absolutely lost it, starts telling me about how he lost his job and the family he has to provide for and how hard it is making it feel like christmas with no money. Not expecting this flood of emotion, I'm not quite sure how to react except to move in closer so he can feel my humanity/awkward attempt at trying to console him. He ends up balling on my shoulder for like 5 minutes, not really saying much just letting it all out--all of his stress, all of his disappointments, but also all of his gratitude. And I'm standing there feeling like I just got the best Christmas present you could have asked for. Part of me wishes I could have gone back and done more for that man--helped his family in some way, but I know that at least for a moment I helped him to feel some small release from the pressure of his life and he helped me to get outside of myself and realize just how blessed I was.
That memory sticks out to me whenever I see a homeless person nowadays and I think about the circumstances which brought them there. Granted there are going to be people who go on corners and pull off great scams faking to be more poor than they actually are--but honestly at the end of the day that's not for me to decide. I'm not going to sit there and say I'm justified in not helping another fellow human being who is literally begging for a friend, in saying that they don't deserve basic human rights because they aren't "working hard enough." Whether or not you are religious there is a call to serve and help others when we can.
So I guess that was a moment that really took my breath away. Seeing that man completely break down and show me his vulnerability as a result of me trusting in his personhood and being willing to see him as a fellow person with needs and wants and failures. I don't share this particular story to be self aggrandizing--since then I've sadly passed up my fair share of homeless people by looking the other way and speeding past those street corners. But I'm trying, and I'd like to think that the moment his story came flooding out onto my shoulder was a sight that really took my breath away and made me sit back and want to help people. Made me realize that even small acts make a difference--and that strangers aren't so strange when you choose to see and treat them as friends.
On facebook I asked you what you wanted to know, and while I applaud your suggestions of "first time you realized JGL was your soulmate" and "first time you had to poop in public without a bathroom"--I decided since it was a 3-way tie to go with Ingrid's suggestion of "the first time I saw a sight that literally took my breath away."
As I sit here thinking about different experiences I've had, ones that have awed and humbled me to my core, I can't help but think there is a huge "site" and "sight" difference in which story to tell. While there are many I could chose from as far as "sites" in my travels--I think I'd rather talk about the first time, or one of the most memorable times in my life, that I remember actually seeing something for the first time that really solidified a concept for me. I hope this is what you were talking about with your suggestion, Ingrid.
It was my senior year in high school and I was busy trying to shape myself into the perfect university candidate--community college classes, two jobs, early morning church school, sports, violin, some type of social life--essentially a very busy person who, despite a loving heart sometimes got a little self centered (as most teenagers do). I remember it was the day after Christmas and I was supposed to work at Sylvan Learning Center, a shift I was hardly looking forward to with my lazy two-week break searing itself into my work ethic. Lucky for me, God must have loved me (early morning seminary...he should have) because it turns out Sylvan was closed and my shift was cancelled. Thrilled that I could go home and spend another day lazing about admiring my new gifts in a warm and loving home, I was driving back down Martin Way when I saw a man standing on the corner of the intersection begging for money.
Now I'm not a cynical person, as many are when it comes to giving strangers money. I believe there really are a lot of systemic and personal issues that affect a persons morale and physical capability of working and providing for themselves rather than it being lazy people just looking for a handout. I believe this is even more true when you see people out in the extreme heat/rain/snow as I don't know any decent wage earning person who is dedicated enough to put up with the elements. Since it was boxing day and thus freezing, it was one of those days and seasons where I was feeling especially generous (especially in light of my cancelled shift) so I turned into Safeway and got him a hot chocolate and a muffin. Giving homeless people tangible stuff like this always makes me feel better as well--the argument that they could use it for crack or whatnot becomes immediately invalid. Plus I love to feed people.
So I pull into the gas station this guy is standing in front of and I get out of the car to go to give him his hot chocolate and muffin. I'm not expecting a long exchange, just a "thank you" or a "merry Christmas" or in the worst case scenario a crazy-person look that sends me running back to my car in which case I now have hot chocolate and a muffin to console me. I hand the man his hot chocolate and muffin and wish him a merry Christmas, throwing in a smile for good measure--- and this man just starts sobbing. He's absolutely lost it, starts telling me about how he lost his job and the family he has to provide for and how hard it is making it feel like christmas with no money. Not expecting this flood of emotion, I'm not quite sure how to react except to move in closer so he can feel my humanity/awkward attempt at trying to console him. He ends up balling on my shoulder for like 5 minutes, not really saying much just letting it all out--all of his stress, all of his disappointments, but also all of his gratitude. And I'm standing there feeling like I just got the best Christmas present you could have asked for. Part of me wishes I could have gone back and done more for that man--helped his family in some way, but I know that at least for a moment I helped him to feel some small release from the pressure of his life and he helped me to get outside of myself and realize just how blessed I was.
That memory sticks out to me whenever I see a homeless person nowadays and I think about the circumstances which brought them there. Granted there are going to be people who go on corners and pull off great scams faking to be more poor than they actually are--but honestly at the end of the day that's not for me to decide. I'm not going to sit there and say I'm justified in not helping another fellow human being who is literally begging for a friend, in saying that they don't deserve basic human rights because they aren't "working hard enough." Whether or not you are religious there is a call to serve and help others when we can.
So I guess that was a moment that really took my breath away. Seeing that man completely break down and show me his vulnerability as a result of me trusting in his personhood and being willing to see him as a fellow person with needs and wants and failures. I don't share this particular story to be self aggrandizing--since then I've sadly passed up my fair share of homeless people by looking the other way and speeding past those street corners. But I'm trying, and I'd like to think that the moment his story came flooding out onto my shoulder was a sight that really took my breath away and made me sit back and want to help people. Made me realize that even small acts make a difference--and that strangers aren't so strange when you choose to see and treat them as friends.
Friday, September 27, 2013
The 10 Best (and Worst) Thiıngs About Living in Istanbul
This upcomıng Tuesday I wıill officially celebrate my one month anniversary of moving here to Istanbul, and man has it been a crazy month! But rather than try and make a long lengthy post about my adventures thus far, I've decided I would much rather take the time to tell you about what I love (and hate) about this new city I call home.
1. Get to see old historic sites every day on the way to work (+)
I still can't believe that every day I get to pass by the old city of Istanbul and see history alive in front of my eyes. Maybe its because I'm from america that I still live in awe that people live alongside century old walls and near incredibly important historical monuments and don't seem to give it a second thought. Needless to say, I love being able to see gorgeous scenic views like the Hagia Sofia on my way to work, though I really think Istanbul is full of beautiful views with all of its rolling hills. Istanbul is such a beautiful rich city, and I'm glad to be a part of this next legacy of Istanbul
2. Lack of communication (-)
This downside could honestly merit its own entire blog post, but as each day moves on I begin giving less and less fucks about the disorganized way things work here I begin to forget just how frustrating it is which is why I have settled on a paragraph. I thought it was hard to get answers when I was living in laid-back Hawaii, but Istanbul makes them look like Germans in comparison! The main experiences I have stem from my new school and beginning to teach here at Kent State/Avrupa Koleji' but sometimes I experience it elsewhere. One of the people at the agency I got hired for always uses the phrase 'nothing is set in stone here until its in the past tense, and even then things change' to describe the way Istanbul operates. Its so ridiculous sometimes--from the lack of answers the school administration has concerning curriculum to the way they organize carpooling and all the unnecessary red tape and ass kissing to get proper help and support as a foreigner. Obviously there is the language barrier factor that I totally acknowledge, but even so. The lack of preparation and clear procedure for things is unparalleled to any place I have ever lived before. And people are ok with having close to no answers and finding out last minute and adapting--which is definitely something I am continuously learning to adapt to.
3. Heat/sweat (-)
Look, this is a simple one. Istanbul is ın the Middle East, ergo it is supremely effing unpleasant in the warm summer/beginning of fall months. Words cannot describe how much sweat drips from your body as you try to navigate the public transportation system crammed into small cars with other warm-bodied people. There was one night we were going out to Taksim to visit friends after a football match had just ended and everyone was trying to get home...horror. Complete horror. Windows completely fogs up, smell of beer and sweat and righteous victory in the air, your hands awkwardly reaching for anything to hold onto so when the metro lurches forward from the crazy incompetent driver you don't move from molestation to full on rape of the people on all sides of you. Needless to say, this factor alone is a great motivating factor for becoming nocturnal.
4. Hills (+/-)
So this one is a mixed bag, because hills are both great for creating breathtaking views but they are still fucking hills that must be climbed up, and with my fat ass that is quite a thing to ask me to do all the time. I still remember the last time I was here back in May with Brandon and every day when we would come back to Burak's place--a home with a gorgeous view but the most steep and horrible hill. To this day I still think twice about visiting Burak as a friend JUST so that I don't have to climb that hill. It's that real. But then you also have beautiful places like Camlica where you can take in romantic views of Istanbul, but with a price. All I can say is I expect a perfect ass in this next year of living here and walking up and down all these hills.
5. Food (+)
Basically Turkish food is the best, and as someone who lived in France I can definitely say that there is some real competition over here in Istanbul. Whether it's pide or döner, iskender or balık ekmek, köfte or baklava--this country knows how to send you to bed fat and happy (and for pretty cheap too). My favorite dish is anything having to do with turkish eggplant that has been soaking in spices and delicious olıive oil with a side of pilav and some nicely prepared green bean side dish. But even if you're not eating somewhere fancy, there are still delicious things to try--like the many oyster carts dotted around the city allowing you to slurp a few freshly opened lemon juıce splashed delights that make for great drunk food (I know, I was hesitant at first as well). All in all, though I miss the culinary melting pot that America truly is, I feel that I am just as spoiled here.
6. Night Life (+)
If you didn't read about my amazing experience at a turkish gay bar back in May, then you obviously are out having a life and I applaud you. But seriously, when it comes to going out on the town in Istanbul there are so many cool areas and bars and little nargile cafes to hit up that I feel it could take a lifetime to truly feel satisfied. Just the other night Farhad and I went to another cool random bar in Taksim that I wouldn't have found on my own and Hamid took me to this cool Karga Bar in Kadikoy--each one with a different vibe to set up a whole new adventurous evening. I'm excited to be back in a city and hopefully convince myself to go out and be more social so I can take advantage of all of this great night life.
7. Electronics (-)
If you are a technophile living on a budget, don't come to Istanbul looking to make good on the amazing exchange rate. Electronics are RIDICULOUSLY priced here, the latest iphone 5 running for something around 1,000 USD (2,000). And that's just for the phone. After doing some simple research that is about 200 dollars less than it would cost to fly roundtrip from Seattle to Istanbul for Christmas (hint hint, nudge nudge). And the craziest thing though is that people still buy it. Ballin on a budget over here until I get paid, I just can't imagine having the same enthusiasm for a new ipod if I knew it was going to cost me twice my rent payment. Case and point: stock up before you come. Or encourage friends to come and visit and deliver :)
8. Facial Hair (+)
So yeah, ME men are kinda hairy, and 5 o'clock shadow isn't so much in 'vogue' as it is a fact of life. And why shouldn't it be? These men are pre-hipster moustache fad, and as such are obviously leagues ahead of everyone else on owning its sexiness. So forget Saudi, this is my Mecca.
9. Cats (+)
One of the best perks of living in Istanbul as a cat lover is that you are never quıite alone. I'm not joking when I say I have never seen so many wild cats in my life--they are everywhere, on the streets, in the parks--and they come in hoards. While some are thin and sad looking, many times people come and leave food and water for them to continue on their path to total lazy happiness so they are fat happy cats of all ages lounging around enjoyıng the middle eastern sunshine. In previous times when I came to Istanbul I used to think it was just Boazici University which claimed itself as a feline paradise, but after moving here to Pangalti I see that is far from being the case. And luckily for me I now live right around the corner from what I like to call Kitten Park--a beautifully shaded park in the middle of the hustle and bustle of Osmanbey where cats come from far and wide to be admired. It is siımply impossible not to go to this park and immediately have your heart explode with joy as you watch baby kittens frolick with one another in the grass, marvel at the aerodynamics of older cats as they jump down from their naps up in the trees, and be accosted by every single one looking for a free pet. The amount of free cat love ın Istanbul just makes this city that much more diviıne.
10. People (+)
So I feel so cliche saying this, but I really think that Turkish people are pretty nice. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely a lot of stuck up rude people--that goes with any country/big city, but I still get good vibes from the Turks as honest and good people. For example, just the other day I went to the atm to get out some money but ended up cancelling the request because there was an atm fee, or so I thought. As I was halfway down the street however someone came running after me waving 100 TL in their hand to give me the money I had left in the slot. Now maybe I'm just cynical, but I feel like that's not something that happens all the time in 'murica. That's just one recent example, but obviously the overwhelming generosity of all of the host families who took care of me in past visits add up to a great perception of turkish hospitality.
 |
| I wish I saw it this up close :( |
I still can't believe that every day I get to pass by the old city of Istanbul and see history alive in front of my eyes. Maybe its because I'm from america that I still live in awe that people live alongside century old walls and near incredibly important historical monuments and don't seem to give it a second thought. Needless to say, I love being able to see gorgeous scenic views like the Hagia Sofia on my way to work, though I really think Istanbul is full of beautiful views with all of its rolling hills. Istanbul is such a beautiful rich city, and I'm glad to be a part of this next legacy of Istanbul
2. Lack of communication (-)
This downside could honestly merit its own entire blog post, but as each day moves on I begin giving less and less fucks about the disorganized way things work here I begin to forget just how frustrating it is which is why I have settled on a paragraph. I thought it was hard to get answers when I was living in laid-back Hawaii, but Istanbul makes them look like Germans in comparison! The main experiences I have stem from my new school and beginning to teach here at Kent State/Avrupa Koleji' but sometimes I experience it elsewhere. One of the people at the agency I got hired for always uses the phrase 'nothing is set in stone here until its in the past tense, and even then things change' to describe the way Istanbul operates. Its so ridiculous sometimes--from the lack of answers the school administration has concerning curriculum to the way they organize carpooling and all the unnecessary red tape and ass kissing to get proper help and support as a foreigner. Obviously there is the language barrier factor that I totally acknowledge, but even so. The lack of preparation and clear procedure for things is unparalleled to any place I have ever lived before. And people are ok with having close to no answers and finding out last minute and adapting--which is definitely something I am continuously learning to adapt to.
 |
| Zincirlikuyu metrobus stop. E'ery day! |
Look, this is a simple one. Istanbul is ın the Middle East, ergo it is supremely effing unpleasant in the warm summer/beginning of fall months. Words cannot describe how much sweat drips from your body as you try to navigate the public transportation system crammed into small cars with other warm-bodied people. There was one night we were going out to Taksim to visit friends after a football match had just ended and everyone was trying to get home...horror. Complete horror. Windows completely fogs up, smell of beer and sweat and righteous victory in the air, your hands awkwardly reaching for anything to hold onto so when the metro lurches forward from the crazy incompetent driver you don't move from molestation to full on rape of the people on all sides of you. Needless to say, this factor alone is a great motivating factor for becoming nocturnal.
4. Hills (+/-)
So this one is a mixed bag, because hills are both great for creating breathtaking views but they are still fucking hills that must be climbed up, and with my fat ass that is quite a thing to ask me to do all the time. I still remember the last time I was here back in May with Brandon and every day when we would come back to Burak's place--a home with a gorgeous view but the most steep and horrible hill. To this day I still think twice about visiting Burak as a friend JUST so that I don't have to climb that hill. It's that real. But then you also have beautiful places like Camlica where you can take in romantic views of Istanbul, but with a price. All I can say is I expect a perfect ass in this next year of living here and walking up and down all these hills.
 |
| Mmmm...Iskender :O |
Basically Turkish food is the best, and as someone who lived in France I can definitely say that there is some real competition over here in Istanbul. Whether it's pide or döner, iskender or balık ekmek, köfte or baklava--this country knows how to send you to bed fat and happy (and for pretty cheap too). My favorite dish is anything having to do with turkish eggplant that has been soaking in spices and delicious olıive oil with a side of pilav and some nicely prepared green bean side dish. But even if you're not eating somewhere fancy, there are still delicious things to try--like the many oyster carts dotted around the city allowing you to slurp a few freshly opened lemon juıce splashed delights that make for great drunk food (I know, I was hesitant at first as well). All in all, though I miss the culinary melting pot that America truly is, I feel that I am just as spoiled here.
6. Night Life (+)
If you didn't read about my amazing experience at a turkish gay bar back in May, then you obviously are out having a life and I applaud you. But seriously, when it comes to going out on the town in Istanbul there are so many cool areas and bars and little nargile cafes to hit up that I feel it could take a lifetime to truly feel satisfied. Just the other night Farhad and I went to another cool random bar in Taksim that I wouldn't have found on my own and Hamid took me to this cool Karga Bar in Kadikoy--each one with a different vibe to set up a whole new adventurous evening. I'm excited to be back in a city and hopefully convince myself to go out and be more social so I can take advantage of all of this great night life.
 |
| Not this year! |
If you are a technophile living on a budget, don't come to Istanbul looking to make good on the amazing exchange rate. Electronics are RIDICULOUSLY priced here, the latest iphone 5 running for something around 1,000 USD (2,000). And that's just for the phone. After doing some simple research that is about 200 dollars less than it would cost to fly roundtrip from Seattle to Istanbul for Christmas (hint hint, nudge nudge). And the craziest thing though is that people still buy it. Ballin on a budget over here until I get paid, I just can't imagine having the same enthusiasm for a new ipod if I knew it was going to cost me twice my rent payment. Case and point: stock up before you come. Or encourage friends to come and visit and deliver :)
8. Facial Hair (+)
So yeah, ME men are kinda hairy, and 5 o'clock shadow isn't so much in 'vogue' as it is a fact of life. And why shouldn't it be? These men are pre-hipster moustache fad, and as such are obviously leagues ahead of everyone else on owning its sexiness. So forget Saudi, this is my Mecca.
 |
| Love meeee!!!! |
One of the best perks of living in Istanbul as a cat lover is that you are never quıite alone. I'm not joking when I say I have never seen so many wild cats in my life--they are everywhere, on the streets, in the parks--and they come in hoards. While some are thin and sad looking, many times people come and leave food and water for them to continue on their path to total lazy happiness so they are fat happy cats of all ages lounging around enjoyıng the middle eastern sunshine. In previous times when I came to Istanbul I used to think it was just Boazici University which claimed itself as a feline paradise, but after moving here to Pangalti I see that is far from being the case. And luckily for me I now live right around the corner from what I like to call Kitten Park--a beautifully shaded park in the middle of the hustle and bustle of Osmanbey where cats come from far and wide to be admired. It is siımply impossible not to go to this park and immediately have your heart explode with joy as you watch baby kittens frolick with one another in the grass, marvel at the aerodynamics of older cats as they jump down from their naps up in the trees, and be accosted by every single one looking for a free pet. The amount of free cat love ın Istanbul just makes this city that much more diviıne.
10. People (+)
So I feel so cliche saying this, but I really think that Turkish people are pretty nice. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely a lot of stuck up rude people--that goes with any country/big city, but I still get good vibes from the Turks as honest and good people. For example, just the other day I went to the atm to get out some money but ended up cancelling the request because there was an atm fee, or so I thought. As I was halfway down the street however someone came running after me waving 100 TL in their hand to give me the money I had left in the slot. Now maybe I'm just cynical, but I feel like that's not something that happens all the time in 'murica. That's just one recent example, but obviously the overwhelming generosity of all of the host families who took care of me in past visits add up to a great perception of turkish hospitality.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
When I'll know I've made it
I think I'll know I've made it
when i've become a republican
when i have found god
when i have adopted one of those african poster children
to hang up on my fridge as a prideful trophy to my humanitarianism.
When I can explain the difference between who and whom.
I think I'll know
when I can sit down in a restaurant and order anything that looks delicious
when i can take a shower every day without regards for
shampoo and conditioner rations
when the 1st and the 15th of each month
become just days on a calendar
when friends birthdays
no, not friends--acquaintances
pop up in my fb notifications
and i can order them that starbucks gift card because
what the hell, everyone deserves a pat on the back for being born.
I think I'll know
when sick days become "sick days"
when i can finally start paying for porn
or movies, or music, or wifi
when my BMI is higher than my credit card score
and i stop getting back all my taxes on April 15th
when i don't have to air my dirty laundry walking across the street
every sunday afternoon, a chorus of quarters
serenading me in my pocket and
I can look my future children in the face
and tell them I'll still pay for that private liberal arts college because
I support their creative talents.
I think I'll know
when i come back relaxed after the 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th Christmas vacation
to beautifully exotic locations
when i can fill my tank to the top on holiday weekends
or any week day for that matter
when i can look free food in the face
after skipping political science to crash that 4th straight pizza party biology grad lecture
and walk away with some degree of dignity.
When I can delete my ex's number without any type of hesitation.
I want to know that I'll know
I want to know that I'll grow-- tangible proof
that I'll be able to learn
and to see
so this is
to years of living on ramen
to years of shopping at goodwill
and scouring the ads in freecycle
to years of finding myself in the wrong beds
if only to have one for the night
to years of self-inflicted abuse
to years of saying yes when i wanted to say no
to years of drinking shitty carla rossi
to years of drinking shitty four locos, for the matter
and anything else to numb the pain away
of years of socioeconomic bullemia
and this
is to to years of wining and dining my own stubborn will
so my mother wouldn't have to sign a check and
for the day when I won't look back
because my life is moving forward
and I'll know it.
when i've become a republican
when i have found god
when i have adopted one of those african poster children
to hang up on my fridge as a prideful trophy to my humanitarianism.
When I can explain the difference between who and whom.
I think I'll know
when I can sit down in a restaurant and order anything that looks delicious
when i can take a shower every day without regards for
shampoo and conditioner rations
when the 1st and the 15th of each month
become just days on a calendar
when friends birthdays
no, not friends--acquaintances
pop up in my fb notifications
and i can order them that starbucks gift card because
what the hell, everyone deserves a pat on the back for being born.
I think I'll know
when sick days become "sick days"
when i can finally start paying for porn
or movies, or music, or wifi
when my BMI is higher than my credit card score
and i stop getting back all my taxes on April 15th
when i don't have to air my dirty laundry walking across the street
every sunday afternoon, a chorus of quarters
serenading me in my pocket and
I can look my future children in the face
and tell them I'll still pay for that private liberal arts college because
I support their creative talents.
I think I'll know
when i come back relaxed after the 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th Christmas vacation
to beautifully exotic locations
when i can fill my tank to the top on holiday weekends
or any week day for that matter
when i can look free food in the face
after skipping political science to crash that 4th straight pizza party biology grad lecture
and walk away with some degree of dignity.
When I can delete my ex's number without any type of hesitation.
I want to know that I'll know
I want to know that I'll grow-- tangible proof
that I'll be able to learn
and to see
so this is
to years of living on ramen
to years of shopping at goodwill
and scouring the ads in freecycle
to years of finding myself in the wrong beds
if only to have one for the night
to years of self-inflicted abuse
to years of saying yes when i wanted to say no
to years of drinking shitty carla rossi
to years of drinking shitty four locos, for the matter
and anything else to numb the pain away
of years of socioeconomic bullemia
and this
is to to years of wining and dining my own stubborn will
so my mother wouldn't have to sign a check and
for the day when I won't look back
because my life is moving forward
and I'll know it.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
A New Chapter
I have officially made the biggest decision of my adult life this far by moving to Istanbul this year. It's really kind of the first time that I've kind of gone off the planned track to do something for me, and it's both extremely exhilarating and completely nerve racking.
I meant to blog about my memories traveling around the US to visit friends before coming to Istanbul, but at the end of the day I just felt like too much had stacked up and I didn't want a long recap. Needless to say, it was a nice bon voyage to the United States--made me actually feel some love and loyalty for my country being able to see the variance across different states/coasts. And being able to catch up with old friends is always the best part of traveling--I was very blessed to be so spoiled by their hospitality and love.
But after two weeks of travel, I was honestly ready to settle down. I kind of feel like I didn't put enough space in between my Mediterranean trip in May and then US trip in August to super enjoy being on the road again. I blame it on that, but I also blame it on the fact that I can feel myself becoming an old crotchedy woman. And so with some apprehension, but mainly a lot of exhaustion I caught my plane to Istanbul to start my life over as a kindergarten english teacher. With two layovers, it wasn't the most pleasant plane ride I've experienced--but it was cheap, and that's all that matters.
When I arrived in the airport terminal, went through customs, and picked up my bags I went to the location where I was supposed to meet the agency I was hired through who was picking me up. In a typical laid-back polychronic cultural fashion, they arrived 2 hours late and then made me wait another hour to connect with another person who had just flown in. Thinking that was the worst that happened, I then found out to my dismay that instead of driving us to our hostels/friends houses they were taking us straight to the office to sign paperwork. That lasted for about 4 hours, in which my school was switched yet again and I was asked to skype interview with my future employer after not sleeping for almost 48 hours and looking like shit with all my traveling. I wasn't the happiest camper, but at the end of the day it was what it was. At least this new school gave me the following day off of training so I could sleep in, so that was a bonus. Overall though, I was just happy to be here and wanted to settle in.
Went straight from the office to my Iranian friends Hamid and Farhad's house out here in Seyrantepe on the European side of Istanbul. Passed out presents, played with their brand new kitten, and enjoyed the great company catching up. The next day we lounged about the house and took it easy before heading back to the office (where I had stupidly left my purse) and hanging around the Şişli business area of Istanbul where I picked up a sim card and istanbulkart for public transport. On the way back we picked up some food so we could be fat, lazy, and happy with a movie night. I got to make some of my famous family popcorn, which the boys loved and I was happy to introduce them to (also introduced them to cheez its). Gorging ourselves on snacks and Pirates of the Carribbean we had a properly relaxed evening.
The next day was my first day of orientation at my new school in Acibadem (pronounced ah-ji-bah-dem) which is actually on the asian side, so I got to go between two different continents just to get to work. After typically getting lost on the way to the school, I finally arrived and got to know some of my fellow teachers. I'm the only first-year teacher this year, everyone else has a year or more of experience, so that is always a little daunting. We didn't do much that first day, just cut out things to decorate our classrooms, which was a little weird considering that the school isn't even done being built yet and we don't have all of our books. Personally, that would be on my priority list. But the part of the school that is finished being built if beautiful and classy, so I'm excited that I'll be able to work in this brand new kind of environment. The rest will hopefully work itself out next week.
That night I went to visit my turkish friend Burakhan and his family who I stayed with last time I was in Istanbul. They're like my second family over here, so nice and hospitable despite the fact that I speak little turkish and they speak little english so it's mainly a lot of smiling and miming. That night I got to indulge in some delicious homemade cooking from anne, which only solidified my desire to be a turkish housewife. The food is SO delicious, you don't even know.
The next day I went to training but it was in our sister campus in Çekmeköy. Luckily we had a service bus come and pick us up from Acibadem so we didn't have to find a way to get to that campus in the middle of no where. Got there, sat around for a while waiting for our lecturer/boss to come, and then were taught about lesson planning in the format they want us to fill it out. Considering my lack of experience, I was glad they went over this as it was the thing I was most worried about. After that we went back to our campus in Acibadem and continued to cut out things to decorate our rooms.
Since it was now officially the weekend and I could catch up socializing/sleeping Hamid invited some mutual friends over for a nice dinner party in which he cooked us delicious Iranian food. Luckily for me, everyone was fine with conducting the night in mainly english, so we were able to have some good laughs and conversation. After dinner we sat around playing a "Never have I ever" drinking game and laughing over each other's confessions. Around 11pm the rest of the party wanted to go out to Taksim to drink/party, but being the old people that we are Hamid, Farhad, and I decided to stay home and continue to indulge our internet addiction.
Saturday more or less followed the same routine--stay up late, sleep in late, and wake up/get ready when the hot sun has gone down so we can leave the house not in a pool of sweat. Saturday night the agency I was hired through put together this little social at a bar in Taskim, so the three of us decided to head out to that to meet new people. The night before Farhad and I had made a pact, because one of the gifts I brought him was a pin from the Feminist Majority Foundation that says "this is what a feminist looks like," and I told him wearing it would help him get women (lets be real, what woman doesn't love a man who loves women's equality?). So he actually wore it out to the bar in Taksim to use as an ice breaker, which actually worked and made me so happy. Met some cool fellow teachers, swapped frustrating experiences about organizational issues/resettling in a new place, but the bar wasn't very good and was overpriced so we only stayed for about an hour.
After the English bar we went to a succession of bars with our friends Ekin and Urun and the Jamaican backpacker Sammi they are currently hosting. It was a great group of people and I particularly enjoyed the last bar we went to, Karakedi bar. At first it seemed like we were being lead to our imminent death in a sketchy abandoned building in one of the side alleys of Taksim, but once we get up to the 3rd floor we see there's a really classy/laid back bar with live music setting the perfect mood for conversation/drinking. That's the thing I love about knowing people here---like with any city you get to go and visit a lot of places you might have otherwise not been able to go as they are hidden away. So we stayed there for a bit drinking while Sammi got hit on by this very creepy Iraqi guy, who Farhad kept making fun of. The band played a lot of old american classic songs, so that was fun to sing along to. Overall though we were having a great time celebrating Urun's last night out in Istanbul before he goes to study abroad for 5 months in The Netherlands, a great way to be welcomed back to Istanbul on my first weekend back.
I'm using the religious Sunday is a day of rest card today, so besides waking up and introducing the boys to pancakes it's going to be a lazy one to prepare for long days of orientation next week. While there's a lot of stuff to think about/do here, so far I'm happy with my decision and look forward to seeing how the city will influence me in the next year and what kind of paths I may be inspired to follow.
I meant to blog about my memories traveling around the US to visit friends before coming to Istanbul, but at the end of the day I just felt like too much had stacked up and I didn't want a long recap. Needless to say, it was a nice bon voyage to the United States--made me actually feel some love and loyalty for my country being able to see the variance across different states/coasts. And being able to catch up with old friends is always the best part of traveling--I was very blessed to be so spoiled by their hospitality and love.
 |
| You give up on life in the hot NYC metro |
When I arrived in the airport terminal, went through customs, and picked up my bags I went to the location where I was supposed to meet the agency I was hired through who was picking me up. In a typical laid-back polychronic cultural fashion, they arrived 2 hours late and then made me wait another hour to connect with another person who had just flown in. Thinking that was the worst that happened, I then found out to my dismay that instead of driving us to our hostels/friends houses they were taking us straight to the office to sign paperwork. That lasted for about 4 hours, in which my school was switched yet again and I was asked to skype interview with my future employer after not sleeping for almost 48 hours and looking like shit with all my traveling. I wasn't the happiest camper, but at the end of the day it was what it was. At least this new school gave me the following day off of training so I could sleep in, so that was a bonus. Overall though, I was just happy to be here and wanted to settle in.
Went straight from the office to my Iranian friends Hamid and Farhad's house out here in Seyrantepe on the European side of Istanbul. Passed out presents, played with their brand new kitten, and enjoyed the great company catching up. The next day we lounged about the house and took it easy before heading back to the office (where I had stupidly left my purse) and hanging around the Şişli business area of Istanbul where I picked up a sim card and istanbulkart for public transport. On the way back we picked up some food so we could be fat, lazy, and happy with a movie night. I got to make some of my famous family popcorn, which the boys loved and I was happy to introduce them to (also introduced them to cheez its). Gorging ourselves on snacks and Pirates of the Carribbean we had a properly relaxed evening.
 |
| Getting my arts and crafts on |
That night I went to visit my turkish friend Burakhan and his family who I stayed with last time I was in Istanbul. They're like my second family over here, so nice and hospitable despite the fact that I speak little turkish and they speak little english so it's mainly a lot of smiling and miming. That night I got to indulge in some delicious homemade cooking from anne, which only solidified my desire to be a turkish housewife. The food is SO delicious, you don't even know.
The next day I went to training but it was in our sister campus in Çekmeköy. Luckily we had a service bus come and pick us up from Acibadem so we didn't have to find a way to get to that campus in the middle of no where. Got there, sat around for a while waiting for our lecturer/boss to come, and then were taught about lesson planning in the format they want us to fill it out. Considering my lack of experience, I was glad they went over this as it was the thing I was most worried about. After that we went back to our campus in Acibadem and continued to cut out things to decorate our rooms.
 |
| Never have I ever... |
 |
| Ladies, he's availiable. |
 |
| The beautiful boys |
After the English bar we went to a succession of bars with our friends Ekin and Urun and the Jamaican backpacker Sammi they are currently hosting. It was a great group of people and I particularly enjoyed the last bar we went to, Karakedi bar. At first it seemed like we were being lead to our imminent death in a sketchy abandoned building in one of the side alleys of Taksim, but once we get up to the 3rd floor we see there's a really classy/laid back bar with live music setting the perfect mood for conversation/drinking. That's the thing I love about knowing people here---like with any city you get to go and visit a lot of places you might have otherwise not been able to go as they are hidden away. So we stayed there for a bit drinking while Sammi got hit on by this very creepy Iraqi guy, who Farhad kept making fun of. The band played a lot of old american classic songs, so that was fun to sing along to. Overall though we were having a great time celebrating Urun's last night out in Istanbul before he goes to study abroad for 5 months in The Netherlands, a great way to be welcomed back to Istanbul on my first weekend back.
I'm using the religious Sunday is a day of rest card today, so besides waking up and introducing the boys to pancakes it's going to be a lazy one to prepare for long days of orientation next week. While there's a lot of stuff to think about/do here, so far I'm happy with my decision and look forward to seeing how the city will influence me in the next year and what kind of paths I may be inspired to follow.
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