Hope you had a great day, I know I did. Great celebration today partaking in the best of capitalism in Kaneohe watching sexy people in the new 'Side Effects movie" with my favorite peeps. The movie was excellent, and visiting the little bunnies and puppies in the pet shop was beyond sublime: a perfect way to celebrate a very very VERY lazy weekend.
As a culmination to our celebration of our nations leaders, my friends and I decided to throw a Presidents Day party (to make up for our lack of a V-day party). I was super stoked to invite this boy from my English class who has been flirting it up with me lately and impress him with my awesome homemaker skills, and generally just fraternize with a larger group of people. And when I say people, I mean men.
I don't have many male friends. That aren't married. Or on the internet.
Anyways, so it was kind of a big deal and I was really excited. But alas, as the day progressed it became apparent that it would once again be a ladies night in with no responses from any men. No matter! Can still have a great time sans les garcons! So I thought I would narrate my evening and the death of Mr. Abraham Lincoln using our very creations. Hopefully this will help to give you a sense of what my life will be like with the 2345678987654 cats I will now be purchasing.
Thus, I give you:
MURDER AT THE THEATER: a Cake Pop production
by Sydney Odell
ACT 1: Scene 1
*The time is 1865. Its a dark day, raining, overcast. Scene descends on a middle aged man, peppered hair, slumped over his desk sleeping. His wife enters the room dressed in a long dark blue dress, obviously distressed and impatient*
Mary Todd: "Abe! Sleeping again? Why its almost time for the show! You haven't even washed your beard! We'll certainly be late by now..."
Abe: "It's been a long day my love! Surely my beard cannot be in such distress, for I have never seen it so!"
*runs fingers haphazardly through beard*
"There it is! I am ready now to go--dashing as ever. You will surely be glad to be seen with me this night. Will the Grants be coming with us then?"
Mary Todd: "No Abe, they will not be coming nor do I think we should be expecting their company any time soon. Major Henry Rathbone will be seated with us in their stead."
Abe: "Well that escalated quickly, I had no idea they were next on the list. What happened to the Robinsons?"
Mary Todd: "...busy."
Abe: "Joneses?"
Marty Todd: "Couldn't keep up."
Abe: "So Major Rathbone then you say? Will he be joining us alone? Why certainly a gentleman shouldn't be without a lady..."
Mary Todd: "Of course not Abe, now don't be so stupid he will be accompanied by Miss Clara Harris"
*walks over to him and determinedly puts his top hat on tight*
"There, much better. The hat really does do wonders to accentuate your beard my darling. Now lets be off!"
*the two exit*
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Scene 2
Booth: "By God man, will we do right this night?"
Man: "Pull yourself together Booth. If I had known you were going to be this much of a two-faced actor in your indecision I would never have given you the part of assassin. Now do you want this or not!?"
Booth: "You promise it will bring me lots of glory?"
*relaxes grip on the man's collar, looks longingly into the distance*
"You promise my name will be remembered through the ages."
Man: "Like none other, I assure you. Judas himself will wrestle for a spot against you."
Booth: "Well then..."
*straightens jacket and stands erect*
"only one thing left to do now isn't there? Give me the gun."
Man: "Gun?"
Booth: "Yes gun, we are going to shoot him with a gun are we not?"
Man: "Well I hadn't gotten that far yet. I figured he was going to be on a balcony ledge so you could kind of just...you know" * gestures with his hands* "push him over?"
Booth: "...come again? Push, you said?"
Man: "Why yes, you look to be a fit man" *slaps Booth on the shoulder reassuringly* "One giant heave should do the trick!"
Booth: "Chair and all?"
Man: "...I hadn't thought of the chair. That may pose a problem. What is this gun alternative you say?"
Booth: "Oh yes, a gun would be quite reasonable. Quick shot to the back of the head, no chance of putting out my perfectly chiseled back...."
Man: "Right, wouldn't want that." *strokes beard, deep in thought* Inmates aren't very kind to those bent over fellows...."
Booth: "So you will procure me a gun then? Within the hour?"
Man: "If I had to fashion one myself, by God it will be done! And then we shall be rid of this wretched wretched man who shames us all with his glorious furry manhood."
Booth: "Here here! Let it be done, I will speak with you shortly then. I am off!"
*exits stage*
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Scene 3
*Abe, Mary Todd, Rathbone, and Harris at Ford's theater. The ladies take up a quiet conversation while the men engage in pleasantries during the second scene of the third act*
Rathbone: "Fine of you to invite us Mr. President. What a lovely night for a play! This one in particular is most engaging."
Abe: "I assure you, t'was all the ladies doing. She is quite a patron of the arts. Such a fine woman, sometimes I think I ought to sleep in later and just let her run this country!"
*the two laugh deeply*
"but please, let us just enjoy this night together as friends and suspend all thoughts and matters of state these next coming hours.I do love this next part."
Rathbone: "Nothing would please me more Mr. President."
*play continues on, and the silhouette of Booth can be seen in the background. Booth's shadow looks menacing, hunched over. Booth slowly sneaks over and, with one last final breath, shoots Abe point blank in the back of the head*
Mary Todd: "Really Abe, can you not stay awake for anything! Quiet your snoring..."
*looks more intently at Abe*
"Abe...oh my goodness Abe!"
*flings herself on his hunched over corpse and begins sobbing*
Rathbone: "He's been shot! Why you bastard, I..."
*wrestles with Booth, ends up being stabbed by Booth. Women scream out, the play stops. Booth hurls himself off the balcony*
Mary Todd: "Abe! My beautiful beautiful Abe..."
Booth: "The South is avenged! Remember me now, for I come to save us all!"
Rathbone: "Stop that man!"
*Women screaming, men overtake Booth and arrest him to the ground. Curtain falls*
_____________________________________________________
Scene 4
Young Adult #1: "Remember when we used to get a day off of school for each presidents birthday? Now they've just shortened it to one inclusive day. Life is a bitch sometimes."
Young Adult #2: "First world problems man, a hard life. First the lack of school days off, and now the Pope resigning. There really is no God now... what is the world COMING to..."
Young Adult #1: "Tell me about it. Hey, you seen this new fan fiction for Abe Lincoln yet? Pretty funny stuff. They've used cake pops and shit to tell the story of his death, pretty neat..."
Young Adult #2: "Who the hell does fan fiction for the story of a President's murder?"
Young Adult #1: "Dude I don't even know. There's some weird shit on the internet these days..."
Young Adult #2: "Well is it any good?"
Young Adult #1: "Pretty pathetic, but the moral is pretty funny though..."
Young Adult #2: "Read it to me."
Young Adult #1: *clears throat loudly*
Moral (in Abe's very words):
I shall be telling this somewhere ages and ages hence,
two bullets diverged in a crowded theatre and I,
I took one right in the back of the head.
And that has made all the difference.
Young Adult #2: "Brilliant" *all is silent except for the mutual typing on a keyboard* "facebook status... UPDATED. Thank youuuuu Lincoln."
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YESSSSS THE CAKE POPE MADE IT IN :D
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