While Sleeping On Their Chests

I didn't expect to hear a heartbeat, or if I did

Not one that sounded as mortal as mine

A clock ticking away the precious moments in between each far gone breath

Dragging itself reluctantly into the future.

Hands opening wide to allow time for everything in-between

Every if, every why, every sigh letting mother nature know that

She could still take your breath away even as she came rushing towards you with her big

Mouth wide open, blowing sweet kisses of reassurance that you

Would not be forgotten. That you were her chosen son.

I didn't expect you to engulf me so eagerly, your roots

Digging solid foundations into the trenches I spent so much time seeing as a prison

I needed to climb out of. You see, sometimes we get so busy growing up

That we forget to grow in, to grow down—and I think that’s we have so many sad people

Expecting a sunlight that touches skin, but to begin externally is not to learn

That the sun is but a catalyst for our ready-made preparations

And I’m forever grateful for the wars I fought to dig a space you could come and fill

To help me grow.

At night I lay at the bars of your own prison, entrapping the beat up victim

of too many unrequited “I want you’s” 

of too many “I need you’s”

of too many “I love you’s.” And I wait,

Like the limited visitor that I am

for the guards to let me in, to begin the process

of repeating the braille love language I carve deep into your eyelids each night

to guide your way back home.

To remind you of your innocence. Of the non-guilty verdict. Of hope.

Of the heat of my palm against the glass.

To know

It could be so warm. I once heard is said that

women freeze because they were born to be givers, their heat betraying them

to protect the fruit they would one day bear

But you share your heat so willingly, I can’t help but think we’re all just

A bunch of Russian dolls fitting in and taking care of one another 

to cover the parts we can’t do by ourselves. 

The parts we don’t want to do by ourselves.

Which of course makes all the difference.

Goodbye Weekend Plans, Hello Pain

Get some exercise, they said.

It will be fun, they said.

So I’m sitting in Starbucks when I come across an inspirational TED talk that one of my friends from college sent me, feeling the motivation sink in to make the changes to my life that I want and need. After being told that the only thing holding me back from what I want is my own will and discipline to achieve, I left the coffee shop invigorated--going home to make a nice healthy vegetable stir fry with my sights set on taking a leisurely bike ride around the neighborhood later for some exercise. Sydney’s going to get fit y’all.

I’m lucky that the neighborhood I live in in Long Beach is really safe and shady, making for a beautiful late evening ride through the welcoming community. So I’m going up and down streets on my dad’s ritzy fancy bike, butt raised in the air and head down trying to see how fast I can come down into this nicely little newly paved cul-de-sac. But when I go to start peddling around the corner my foot slips and, in combination with the gravelly precarious road, I go flying towards the pavement--arms raised to protect my face. I land hard, skid, as my bike falls over the right side of my body.

Basically fully beaten/bruised right side

Now I don’t really get hurt very often, especially not since I was a kid and could just cry and give up on life, someone whose responsibility it was to take care of me as I wallowed in my pain. So I just kind of sat there in shock, repeatedly feeling my face for any cuts or concussions, paranoid that I’ve knocked some teeth out (if you know me, you know this is high on the list of fears). Luckily for me several people from the cul-de-sac are out and about walking around so they come running to make sure I’m conscious and don’t have any broken bones. One surfer bum looking guy goes into his house and comes back with wet washcloths and Hydrogen Peroxide (something which I couldn’t remember the last time I had used it on a cut). Afraid to move, and still in shock, I start wiping away the blood that’s dripping from right forearm/elbow and gashes running up and down my left leg in various areas in the middle of the street.

When I finally gain a little bit more composure the bystanders who rushed to my aid usher me into a lawn chair in their driveway where they give me fresh towels and help me to pour the HP on my wounds which hurt like a massive bitch burning deep into my skin. Pushing back tears, the shock really began to take hold with a bout of immobilizing nausea. I never really believed shock was a real thing until this accident, but it really is scary how much the emotional affects the physical. They urged me to keep sipping on the cold water bottle they had brought out for me and told me to relax. There was no rush to get up or move faster than I needed to—they would drive me home when I was ready. Over and over again I told them how much I appreciated their help, to which they replied “No problem at all sweetie, you just pay it forward next time.” Really caring people rushing to my aid.

Not bending this baby all weekend.

Loading my bike into their big SUV, I sat back and drunk my water—trying not to look at the first layer of skin around my elbow that seemed to have been shaved off in my fall. After wrapping my elbow up in a loose fitting gauze and helping me to gather my things, I hobbled to the car and they drove me home. Walking the bike up to the condo, I was happy to see the damage to the bike was minimal—cuts can scab and heal, but I cannot afford to replace that bike. When I got back Dawn was already home, so we assessed my wounds further as I heavily self-medicated and she went to Redbox to get some movies and snacks for our pity-party.

Less than 24 hours later and I’m not going anywhere. The pain is even worse than it was yesterday and I hope that by the end of this weekend I’ll have some functioning scabs going so I can actually wear some clothing and it won’t stick to the open wounds. Don’t know if this is a message from the fat Gods to just give into my fate and die alone, but I’m laying low and hoping none of these wounds scar too bad.

Thank God I DVR’d all those House Hunter International episodes so I can pretend I'm leaving the couch this weekend.

Live Rocky Horror Picture...no

Go on with your bad self.

I feel that I need to preface this by saying that I am a big fan of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I've karaoked the time warp, I've dressed up for the drive-ins, I've dreamt about one day growing up to be half as sexy and cool as Frank n furter...I love it. But none of this prepared me for the actual live performance rendition of it.

Yesterday, a few other liberal open-minded feminists and I set out in high hopes, stoked to sing along and be entertained by the 80's cult classic. To an extent we knew what we were getting into--a film about a transsexual transvestite from Transylvania is bound to turn a few heads, no matter how experienced you may be with today's exhibitionist sexual culture. And while I absolutely commend the actors, their dedication to the show, and their enthusiastic vigor with which they support the sexual revolution--I have to be honest and say I was also very disappointed.

At this point I think it's relevant to acknowledge my upbringing in influencing my attitudes towards this kind of fandom. Obviously, the fact that for most of my life I've been confined into a rather faithful obedient conservative Christian-Mormon mindset clearly limits the scope of my understanding about different forms of expression when it comes to sexuality. Nonetheless, I'd like to believe that through the years and experiences I've come out of my vanilla shell a little bit to appreciate different people's desires without necessarily having to adopt them as my own to prove my tolerance.

Which is exactly what I felt I had to do at the live Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I had a long conversation with the girls in the office the other day about "sex positivity" in terms of it's association with the feminist movement, what it's actual definition means, and what it's repercussions are. I won't go into a long review of that discussion, but basically the idea behind sex positivity is that you can let your freak flag fly in whichever way your wind is blowing--and to be given the freedom to talk about those desires and pursue them without being made to feel "dirty" or "wrong" or "unnatural." This is obviously a way watered down explanation, but I think it sums up the point I'm trying to make. A product of the sexual revolution, sex positivity opened up the space whereby movies like the great Rocky Horror Picture Show could be appreciated and immortalized.

LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIIIIIIN!!

I love sex-positivity. I think it's given a lot of people the courage to seek out otherwise manipulated information about their bodies, partners, and the sexual experience. Laci Green does a lot of cool youtube videos along these same lines, getting real about the nitty-gritty hard questions that are conveniently left out of sex-ed these days. They are really great for anyone looking to have honest conversations about your preferences and love yourself and your body. I highly recommend you check them out (...now). Most of all though, sex positivity is about being able to acknowledge that: hey, sex exists and lets not waste our lives pretending that one person has the answers and that one way of getting your groove on works for everyone. It's a sexual liberation.


It can also be taken way too far, which brings me back to Rocky Horror. Again, there's nothing wrong with this being a brand of sexuality. With gay/lesbian/bi/trans/queer being celebrated and explored and shown to the world as an honest representation of the human experience. It's not quite as extreme as my preference, but cool. Do you. The problem I do have with extreme forms of sexual positivity is that, in a world trying to be "cool" and "unique"--this can easily be adopted into the mainstream making rather moderate/other liberal people like myself feel...boring. Sooooo last year. So repressed.

 I'm sorry that I don't want to watch a half naked underage looking young boy bend over and be wipped by one of the Village People as another boy bites his ear and scratches on his chest while being welcomed into the theatre. I'm sorry I don't want to come up to the front of the stage, have a V be drawn on my forehead in red lipstick, and be ass fucked into submission by a complete stranger with only a thin covering of nylon between us before the opening credits have even begun. I'm sorry that I don't want to respond with every alternative idea to mine with a vehement "fuck you ass hole" yelled at a screen that can't talk back.

I'm sorry I'm so...frigid.

Sex positivity like anything else has it's fall-backs, something I was having a hard time articulating to my more radical liberal girlfriends in the office. The sexual revolution brought a lot more people interested in the feminist cause, but it also set a precedent for which kink (in my opinion) became kind of standard. The new way of staying sexy and rebellious--of staying powerful. Of staying relevant to the times. It didn't erase systems of conservative domination and pressure, it kind of adopted them to the opposite extreme. This Rocky Horror type of performance/culture is obviously a shock-and-awe extreme version of sex positivity that works for some people, but I would argue that things like this are setting a standard which influences our perceptions of feminists who are liberated, and the ones that are really liberated. And that I don't appreciate.

Walking out of that theater, I was having some pretty deep reservations about the adequacy of my own sex life. I started wondering to myself: does leaving my wips and chains out of the bedroom make me less sexually liberated? Does feeling awkward about being told to touch the genitals of the person standing next to me at the Show make me any less feminist?

I would say no. Sex positivity is about letting your freak flag fly, even when it may not actually be that...freaky, and not being made to feel bad about it. These days it can feel like a free-for-all with everyone trying to shove their shit and brand of sexuality in your face and convince you that the weirder, the better. But again, that's just one style. One way. Totes cool, but also equally fine if you don't want to. Respect the fact that it works for people and let them carry on. That's what's great about sex positivity done right. It lets you be honest with yourself and live outside the lines of convention and historical norms to discover what you like and who you are. It lets you say yes, but it also lets you say no.

So basically, you shouldn't feel like you have to turn in your liberal badge if you feel awkward at a live Rocky Horror Picture performance. It's alright, feminist points restored. Check Rocky Horror Picture show off your experiential check list, and move on. Not everyone can look as good as Tim Curtis in a pair of fish nets anyways.

"Dont Be That Girl"

In order to address issues of alcohol facilitated sexual assault in Edmonton, Canada the “Don’t be that guy” campaign attempts to shift blame and responsibility away from victims by educating men that sex without consent is considered sexual assault. Though the marketing strategy has proven effective in lowering rates of sexual assault (or at least reports of it), a group calling itself the ‘Men’s Rights Group’ of Edmonton has recently come out in a shocking backlash to these messages with their own “Don’t be that girl” messages. 

And we thought Canadians were the nice ones, eh?

Messages like “just because you regret a one night stand doesn't mean it’s not consensual” aim to target potential victims of sexual assault by shaming women into reporting about their experiences. However unlike the poster would have readers believe, sexual assault is the most under-reported crime in Canada, a mere 6% of the total amount of sexual assault cases actually go reported. Furthermore, false accusations of rape happen no more than any other crime at about 2-4%, meaning that 96% of the time the woman is telling the truth.

Aside from the obvious fear of slut shaming victims experience when coming out about assault, the fact that so few reports actually lead to some kind of conviction further dissuades women from seeking justice against their perpetrators. So the question that hast to be asked to these men is: why would women go through a lengthy and many times fruitless court battle, facing accusations of lying and “asking for it” in order to lose on almost all fronts?

Urging men to stop rape by shifting the way they think about women’s bodies, especially in situations of impaired judgment, is one of the biggest aims of the “Don’t be that guy” campaign. According to the “Violence Stops Here” website, studies questioning men ages 18-25 found that “48 per cent of the men did not consider it rape if a woman is too drunk to know what is going on,” which eerily corresponds to a study conducted by the University of Alberta in which over half of sexual assaults took place when the victim was under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

This cultural mindset, a literal “get out of jail free” literally gives men a method by which sexual assault is masked under the banner of “blurred lines” intoxication—exactly the type of message the ‘Men’s Movement’ of Edmonton was trying to perpetuate.  What we need are not more girls owning up about consent, but ones openly coming out about the lack thereof and an honest and clear cut discussion about sexual consent (especially in situations of impaired judgment) and what it means. Only by placing responsibility where it belongs—in  the hands of perpetrators, can be truly begin to take a step forward in combating this staggering epidemic affecting millions of women around the world.

So c’mon, don’t be those guys.

PNW Pride: Education Reform in Oregon

Getting a college degree in the 21^st century has certainly become a catch-22 where, as the old adage goes, you spend money to make money. That is only, of course, if you’re one of the lucky ones to actually land a job that makes the return investment worth it

The average college student graduating in 2011 had an average of $26,600 in debt, a $1 trillion dollar mark far surpassing credit card debt and only to be surpassed by mortgages. Sadly (although a lot of promises have been made) not a lot has been done about the modern twenty-something indentured servitude, fresh out of college with a degree in medieval weaponry or something equally as unemployable outside of intellectual circles. Until now.

Oregon State Legislature last week unanimously passed a proposal entitled the “Pay it Forward” act in order to combat the growing amount of debt (and accompanying stress) students collect in the process of getting a higher education. The bill would effectively set a flat 3% payment plan based on graduates’ gross income over a 25 year period, far less than the currently inflating interest rates the federal government has currently set at 6.8%. These funds would then be used to finance the next generation of students who would then grow up and pay their dues to support the next batch of students, and so on and so forth in a hopefully never ending dream of inception. The “Pay it Forward” act would essentially make those who enter fields with higher returns more responsible for feeding into the system educating the next generation than those who graduate with say, a degree in Philosophy that carry an unequally hard burden when it comes to finding work that can offset the amount of loan money you owe.

This proposal is great for a variety of reasons. Firstly, it relieves a lot of disproportional stress that women receive when entering the workplace and are faced with paying back loans. While it is true that the number of women in college outranks men, the continued gendering of college majors greatly affects the amount of women in the workforce in STEM fields and positions with paychecks that are more easily able to pay back loans still leaves something to be desired, leading to an even wider gendered wage gap that systemically differentiates the means availiable to women to reasonably pay back these loans. Add in the fact that interest on your student loans doesn’t stop recurring while women take off work to have children and raise families (which more and more women are doing without male financial support), and you see why eradicating unnecessary student debt becomes a feminist issue.

This “Pay it Forward” act also goes a long way in not only opening up avenues for those who are graduating with debt, but those are deterred from even entering higher education in the first place due to the high cost. This bill moves to cut across racial and ethnic lines to promote equal participation in the educational process— groups that continue remain grossly behind in the classrooms at a rate nearly a third of the amount of white students attending university. The “Pay it Forward” act also helps to open up the stigma and accompanying drop in pay grade surrounding many “feminine” majors most often pursued by women and minorities, allowing students to more freely choose to follow the major they are passionate about versus being funneled into ones based on their ability to make money to pay back debt. Free from the looming threat of decade long debt, you begin to see actual choice and freedom with regards to gaining a degree. While cost may not be the only factor keeping these marginalized groups back, there’s no doubt that opening up these financial barriers will see a whole new group of students and, hopefully in consequence, a whole new range of professionals with opportunities never before afforded to them with the high cost of higher education.

While the bill is unlikely to take affect for several more years, hopefully Oregon’s “out of the box” approach towards educational reform can help to provide the federal alternative towards modern day student financial slavery.

Reflections on the Journey of Prop 8

As an ex-Mormon who was on the opposite end of the 2008 Prop 8 controversy, it’s been quite a different journey this past week watching marriage equality being settled in the national courts. Having sat on the receiving end of those congregational announcements in Mormon chapels around the country with something leaning more towards ambivalence than outward hatred for homosexuality and DOMA, I was constantly told that it was a zero sum “us” versus “them” argument. And after years of being taught about the church’s early persecution and indoctrinated with this victimization complex, it was increasingly clear that this “affront” to the “traditional family unit” was very much a continuation of the religious intolerance the Church had experienced in its early inception. Therefore to remain neutral on the subject of Prop 8 to obviously not take your Mormon identity seriously enough, something which I think drove a lot of people out into the streets to prove their religiosity. 

Do I make you horny baby, do I?

However the larger publicized idea behind the Mormon’s push for Prop 8 was that allowing California to legalize same-sex marriage would set a precedent for the rest of the country. Allowing same-sex marriage to continue in California would only lead to a slippery slope wherein people could then begin to wed their beloved dogs, cats, and horses (obviously) and breaking down the foundation of the family as we know it (again, a drastic leap).


Supporters like Alan Ashton, grandson of former LDS President David O. McKay played a huge role in making sure the measure was passed in its final crucial hours of need with his million dollar donation while many other faithful members also actively committed their time and effort to the cause. My own family participated in drawing the hard-fastened battle lines between those of us who were prompted to feel religiously obligated to support the measure and those members of the family outside the church who fought quite openly with their voice and wallets to strike down the bigoted definition of marriage. Needless to say, it was a tense dinner table.

This all becomes hyper-relevant in light of the Supreme Court’s ruling that DOMA and Prop 8 are both unconstitutional, measures which were both heavily supported by the Mormon front. And while the Church has remained relatively silent as DOMA and Prop 8 worked their way up to the Supreme Court these past few weeks, they were quick to respond once the measures had been defeated. Within hours of the court’s ruling, official LDS spokesman Michael Otterson spoke out like many conservative defeatists saying that

“the Supreme Court has highlighted troubling questions about how our democratic and judicial system operates. Many Californians will wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong when their government will not defend or protect a popular vote that reflects the views of a majority of their citizens.” 

Because blaming legislature overtly ripe with homophobic discrimination on the “system” helps to lessen the blow of losing so much money on support, I guess. Human rights violations are obviously ok as long as the majority votes they are.

I say this because while California’s constitution has been disputed about all these years, many amazing progressive changes are happening all around the country. Currently 12 states and the District of Columbia have legalized same-sex marriage. And as someone who watched and supported the legalization of marriage in Washington State this past November I was shocked by the eerie silence as the Church took more of a backseat role in mobilizing the saints to public action.

And as I sat there in front of my ballot as a former California diaspora, hovering over the box for referendum 74 which would legalize marriage equality I couldn't help but think: “Did hetero-normative families around the rest of the country just not need as much “protecting? Where were the pulpit announcements now?” 

The point is, California’s influence had already taken hold—and many realized it was a losing battle and jumped ship, especially with the new generation of Mormons being raised in these changing times. I’m increasingly grateful that I was one of these youth able to break out of this intolerant mold and help bring about that cultural shift within the church in regards to homosexuality. Since 2008’s Prop 8 ruling and my own spiritual growth out and away from the church, it’s been bittersweet to watch the LDS faith’s stance shift so palpably from outward homophobic activism to one of tolerance, love and acceptance.

Sites like “Mormons and gays,” “Mormons Building Bridges” and the BYU “It Gets Better” campaign have highlighted the discrepancies between the scriptures admonishment to “love thy brother as thyself ” and the reality of implicitly supported cultural homophobia in the church. These steps are much needed and much appreciated by members who have both stayed and left the church, though they are still just a first step and far from being enough.

I mention these changes because the Mormon church and many other religious affiliates have gotten a lot of shit for their support of Prop 8, and as someone who is pro-gay marriage, I would say rightly so. They chose an extremely politically visible way to go about pushing their beliefs and lost--and there’s no way they can back-peddle now. But as an ex-Mormon (or "less active" as my family continues to label me as) who is still and probably will always be intimately connected to their weird religious roots, I think the shifts in attitudes towards gays in the LDS church are worth watching as legislation continues to pop up supporting same-sex marriage.

I know from personal experience (sitting on that fence) that there are a lot more religious moderates than liberals like to admit—and they are a great untapped resource in mobilizing for social equality movements. I don’t know—maybe I’m just an eternal romantic optimist that still likes to believe our generation was made for change, religious or not—but I truly believe working with people on both side of this divide is going to be the ticket for future sustainable change in marriage equality. And who knows—maybe those of us who decided not to hop ship will have the strength, voice, and power to endure and steer the LDS ship around as an ally for marriage equality.

Let’s just stay tuned after this new change of tide in the Supreme Court and not count the Mormons out just yet. 

The Politics of Sex: Why Being On Top Matters

Kevin Spacey in the new Netflix series "House of Cards"

Like many twentysomethings today--anti-socially addicted to the internet and well-rehearsed in potentially detrimental binge habits, I love watching netflix. Recently the multibillion dollar powerhouse decided to release their first ever series entitled "House of Cards"--a political drama following the stereotypical corruption and oftentimes questionable decisions of the most powerful country in the world. Being a person who loves politics, quick wit, and cleverly thought out back-stories and sub-plots I quickly fell in love with the show's seductively intricate expose on modern day US politics. Also being heavily interested in feminist politics and especially the way in which the media both regurgitates and shapes our views about sexuality, I found the show to do a pretty great (although frustrating) job at depicting a lot of the sad realities women face in rising to power---staying there. Oftentimes in the show (and in life) this came as a result of women utilizing their bodies and sexuality as hyper-sexualized objects in order to receive an "equal" spot at the sometimes sadomasochist political table.

Underwood (Spacey) & Barnes (Mara) in one of their secret meetings.

While the overall theme and lens of the show is very masculine focused as far as documenting the cut-throat individualism often associated with men's positions of power, the show does have a few notable women who also obtain a certain degree of power--though with notable differences. In one episode about halfway through the series' first season, the main protagonist Congressman Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) is in the middle of an elicit (though not shocking) affair with journalist Zoe Barnes (Kate Mara) who is trying her best to rise up the journalist ladder in the competitive Washington DC news reporting climate. When faced with the reality that their physical relationship is now inextricably connected with their professional one, Frank hits her quite transparently with this great one-liner:

A great man once said, everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power.

Though everyone realizes the implicit communicative act that is sex, I was blown away by how much his eerie-confession hit home. As the series progressed and the two continued their power-driven sexual battle-of-wills, the correlation between sex and power became even more well defined. Sex then became overtly recognized as a sociopolitical tool, a mirror exposing the ways in which our relationships are constructed in real positions of power and influence.

As someone who is very much still working out the underlying messages of their own sexual identity, the reality that what goes on in the bedroom as being directly related to social relationships outside makes perfect sense. Sex is a social act—it’s about vulnerability and negotiating. It is (and should hopefully always be) about mutual consenting individuals getting "theirs" and being an accommodating partner in return. But I’m not naïve, and the reality is that power relationships are being negotiated in every corner of our lives (including our most personal ones). Sex then is rarely just about the physical.

Sex is infinitely influenced by cultural constructs and assumptions about gender roles, and when combined with institutionalized positions of power and privilege (especially when it comes those in charge of policy making) it can be a form of control and a perpetuation of modern-day sadomasochism. bell hooks-- a feminist, social activist, and professor of English at City College in New York has written several books about the intersectionality of women, love, sex, and systems of power and "domination." In her book "Communion: the female search for love" she criticizes the hyper-sexualization of power saying:

The rise in sexual sadomasochism both in everyday life and in our intimate lives seems to be a direct response to the unresolved changes in the nature of gender roles... Let's face the fact that it helps to eroticize domination if you feel you can't change it. Women and men do not know what to do, what roles to play. Sexual sadomachoism broadens the playing field, gives everyone access to more roles, without creating concrete changes in the ways power and affection are distributed in relationships, in our public and private lives (p. 228)

The eroticization of Zoe Barnes' helpless character in the face of her inability to change the nature of their relationship is palpable. It is the same helplessness many women climbing to power fear in the face of the overwhelmingly double-standard of women's sexuality narratives--that regardless of how sexually "liberated" they may feel, they are still very much at the mercy of men when it comes to translating that sexual power into the boardroom. Though Barnes' character tries her hardest to take her rightful spot at the table of power, the fact that she is still a woman playing in the male-dominated world of politics greatly affects the possibility of her ascension--leaving her in a no-win situation in which her sexuality is pinned against her. Frank Underwood and Zoe Barnes' relationship in ‘House of Cards’ therefore brings up very honest questions about the blurred lines between sexual and professional politics.

The point I’m trying to make is this: that sex matters, but for much more beyond the blatantly obvious. And the effects of sadomasochism as a response to the often blurred lines of our sexual politics are only pushing us farther back from our goals of mutual fulfillment in and outside sex. We need to accept that as women’s power shouldn’t come from lying on our backs but utilizing those same backbones to sit straighter at the tables of authority and equality we deserve.

Though not all of us will find ourselves in positions of sexual and professional submission as blatant as Mara's journalist character, many more of us WILL be exposed at some point to the inequality that still exists in the politics of sex and we must address it honestly and critically. Paying attention to the ways in which power is utilized and expressed in sexual acts can then lead to a more constructive egalitarian discourse outside the bedroom in creating real sustainable change in the realm of gender equality. To use the words of Rebecca Walker:.

"If sex is a form of communication let us think about what we want to say and how will we say it." 

Now if only inequality was as easy to topple as a house of cards.