Five Reasons Why Gay Bars are the Best Things Ever and I'll Never Go Back to a Straight One

I recently had the pleasure of going out for my first night on the town last Saturday in Istanbul, Turkey which finally felt like the true club experience I have been waiting for for the past 5 weeks while traveling. And after over 7 hours of dancing and getting a feel for the city's vibe, I can say with complete confidence that Turkish gay clubs are the. shit. Which is why it's going to take a lot of convincing for me to go back to a traditional club. And here is why.

Brandon drunk with one of our favorites

1. Gays are always, as a rule of thumb, the most beautiful men in any culture.

This is no exception in Istanbul. We went to 3 bars before ending up at this fabulous gay club near Taksim aptly named 'Love', and the difference was instantly palpable. Not only were the men significantly taller and younger than they were in the straight bars, but they were also so. much. sexier in their overall attitude and ambiance. They dressed better, carried themselves better, were friendlier...generally, they just had their shit together and I loved it. Besides, Turkish men? Sign me up any day for one of them. I feel everyday walking around in Istanbul that I've hit the jackpot and I thank allah that Turkish men exist. As my friend Lisa so wisely said to me one night "I love men so much, I think that even if I was a man I'd still love them. I'd be gay for sure." Amen, sista. Amen.


2. Gays know how to dance.

Again, this goes without saying. I absolutely loved pushing my way through the crowd and catching a man's eye and being able to just start dancing with them without worrying about it being anything more. Super casual, super fun--dance for a minute and move on without hurting anyone's ego. Being not only a woman in the Turkish gay bar but also an obviously Scandinavian-looking foreigner, I was also a hot commodity for a dance partner. Everyone wanted this, and so I got to know a lot of great Turkish dancers throughout the evening. And just because they preferred 'D' to 'V' didn't mean these men took dancing any less seriously--all holding hands and spinning and screaming lyrics at the top of their lungs when "Thrift Shop" came on and I lost. my. shit. It was very natural and uncomplicated--how a night out dancing should feel like.

3. You never have to wait in the queue for the bathroom.

How I feel I need to be like going into a straight club WC

As a woman in the club, this point is crucial. I can't even explain to you the amount of time it takes waiting to break the seal in a normal club. You don't think it's that big of an issue until it comes up, but it is.Too many women taking their merry time, checking make up, chatting about boys, doing basically everything you can do ANYWHERE ELSE in the area where I specifically need to perform a basic bodily function. So when I walked into that ladies room at the gay club and saw that not only was there no type of line whatsoever, but also three stalls available for my choosing, I thought I had passed out and gone to heaven. Hip hip hooray for no conceited bitches taking up unnecessary space in the bathroom!



4. Gay men always have your back in a sketch situation.

So there was this one man at the club who was a total creeper. He would always come out of nowhere, all protruding eyes and wandering hands wanting to be all up on everyone male or female (found out later he was paid to do this). At first it was whatever, part of the club experience, but after a while it was just too creepy. Not only did the men I was dancing with in my circle pick up on this almost immediately, but they actively helped to take the heat off me without me even asking whenever he started getting too close/too much in general. Very nonchalant and passive aggressive, just grabbing me to dance and being a little bit more possessive until he moved on--exactly what a good girlfriend would do at a straight bar, only more effective. I loved knowing that there were men who were completely uninterested in my goodies who were willing to help out a sister in need. Much love.

5. If I am trying to pick up a liberal, tolerant, and intelligent straight man--he is probably at the gay club.

Sexy Turkish Man #3 circa 4:30am

He may also be bi-curious, but I'm not judgmental. Seriously though, a man who is secure enough in his sexuality and masculinity to go for a night out at the gay bar is a winner in my book--exactly the type of person I'm looking to spend a good night out with. And I can vouch for two of the Turkish men I became familiar with at the club who were absolutely straight, and they were also the coolest guys ever. Great dancers, fabulously dressed, respectfully sensual, bad ass tattoos, and sexy as hell with their beautiful facial hair--I was in heaven. Hearing them sing along in Turkish to the middle eastern music also made my life. I think some of the gay vibe must have rubbed off on them though because after a while it seemed too good to be true that I could be getting this lucky with quality straight men at a gay bar. Nevertheless, I was smitten each time.

If anyone can come up with 5 equally convincing reasons for me to return to a straight bar, I would be interested in this persuasive argument. Until then...leave me to my gays and their amazing clubs. Hellooooo Istanbul ;)