It's been a while since I did a more serious post that wasn't about my travels, and since I've woken up to rain in Barcelona for the 4th straight day in a row I figure I can do with a bit of intellectual reflection. Been thinking a lot about the reasons why I travel, both things I run to and from, and while that topic is not for today's post I have been thinking a lot about lessons I've learned in the past year. Ones that have allowed me to be able to enjoy life more living in the moment, take advantage of my relationships, value the ones I do have, and work harder to becoming the type of person I want to be.
So, here are 5 things I've come to learn (almost always the hard way, as any lesson should be learned to really solidify its meaning):
1. To be ok with stillness
Being raised Mormon, there is this huge push towards the earnest, hardworking protestant work-ethic. You're always moving, always planning, always thinking. When I was in high school this meant clubs, sports, college, high school, seminary, two jobs, church callings, friends, and family commitments. It felt like I was always moving towards something. And I don't regret it--they were great times. But I missed so much by trying to overly prepare myself for the next leg of the journey, which I was never quite sure how that would pan out. I equated movement with progress, whatever kind of movement that might be. But it was only a distraction.
It took me a long time to break this work ethic and family tendency for OCD. Not to say those won't always be a part of me--I still love being busy and making lists of things over and over again in my head, but this idea of progressive movement no longer rules over more. I can progress in different ways, or I can simply be. Not every task is a race to the finish, sometimes its ok if you take the leisurely route towards accomplishing a task. We've all got this crazy perception that you can save time, but in that thinking you actually lose more time than you gain. There are different ways of knowing, of working, of progressing, and I've finally learned there is much to be said for stillness. Just let it be.
2. Money is just paper
This is hard to fully grasp in our society, and this is one that I am continually having to re learn. One of my favorite quotes goes "today, everyone knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." Today, we obsess so much about what dong something will cost us instead of looking at the reverse--what it will cost us not to do it. There are some experiences that cannot be bought, some moments that cannot be replicated. The fact is, sometimes it takes money to have fun and that's ok. You can't let paper rule over the course of whether or not those things are going to pan out.
But money also isn't happiness. I assure people that the happiest times in my life are when I'm poor, and I truly believe that. That's when I'm most generous, most friendly, more innovative, and most open to new ideas--because I'm not being limited by my idea that happiness has to or can be bought. Getting outside of this social constructionist concept of money is one of the greatest things that has lead me to be able to do the things I want to do with...less, fear. I have a backpack full of memories I'll be able to look back on in my old age with no regrets--memories I may otherwise never have had if I let money constantly dictate every part of my life and what I was capable of accomplishing. Carpe diem!
3. Some people are meant to come into your life for just a brief period of time. That doesn't make them any less special.
This is by far the hardest, letting people go. I have this theory about soul mates--I don't believe in just one. I believe that, trying hard enough, you can make it work with just about anyone. But I do believe there is a finite amount of soul mates you have that are perfect for you in that time, place, and moment. Some of them are temporary soul mates, there to teach you a lesson, wipe away a tear, or hold you in their arms. And bless those people and your separate paths that brought you together. These people can make an impact that will last a lifetime, but that doesn't mean they have to. We have to stop trying to make eternity happen with every person we meet and accept this simple truth that people change and not everything we want to work out will work out. Even if we keep beating that dead horse for years--doesn't mean sheer will will make it stand on its legs once more.
Consequently there are people who will come into your life who are meant to stay. Whose plans, personality, spirit, and timing are right in step with your own. And these are the lifelong soul mates--the ones we can sometimes end up shutting out by trying to (for lack of a better analogy) make fetch happen. Fetch isn't going to happen guys, but it doesn't mean that relationship is any less important. Just cherish them for what they are to you in the moment, send them lots of love and well wishes when they leave, and don't look back with sadness. There are more lessons for you to learn in the future, and people who are going to come into your life to teach you about them. Be ready to receive.
4. You attract honest open people in relation to the amount that you are open, honest, and trusting in them.
At my graduation from BYUH, in meeting all of my close friends my grandmother kept on leaning over to me and saying "You attract good friends Sydney because you are one." I'd never really thought about that truth before, but after saying goodbye to some of the greatest people I've ever met I couldn't agree more.
I spent a long long time being depressed at school--putting everyone into a stereotypical box, victimizing myself and trying to live anywhere else whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually. The thing was, my final year when I finally decided to own who I was and be open about that part of me I was absolutely astounded by how much positive feedback I received in return. People who I thought would immediately judge me were now offering me a hand, a shoulder, a heart. I made some amazing soul connections this last year with classmates, teachers, and housemates that I wouldn't have made any other way than in first trusting them with an honest and open Sydney. It was a risk, but it had a huge pay off. So have faith in people and don't waste your time with the ones who aren't truly connecting to you. Go out to make those amazing friends you deserve.
5. Do what makes you happy
This is an overly cliched however totally true statement I wish someone had emphasized to me earlier. In trying to be a strategic, confident person in my youth I thought I had it all figured out what I was going to do. I used to make 5, 10, and 15 year checklists (Stalin, you'd be so proud) for what I was going to accomplish. A lot of this was routed in pride--I wanted to be successful, I wanted to be that "one" youth that had it all figured out early and got what she wanted. But the fact was deep down I wasn't doing it because it made me happy, I was doing it because it either made people jealous, made me feel powerful, or made me rich. I never explicitly owned up to these innermost motives because I didn't want to face the fact that ultimate happiness wasn't my main motivation and that at the end of the day the goal I was racing towards might leave me unfulfilled.
There are many things I love now that will bring me absolutely no money, which I do for myself and I do with complete contentment. Poetry, music, feminism, travel--these things echo back the song that my soul is made of. Doing them makes me happier than any internship, diploma, or career--and even though I'll probably never end up doing them to put bread on the table, they make me so happy. I'm not going to stop singing/playing because I don't have the greatest voice. I'm not going to stop writing poetry because it won't cut a paycheck in today's times. I'm not going to stop talking about women's rights and feminism just because some person is uncomfortable with the word patriarchy and tries to put me in a bra-burning effigy. They are a part of me--the part I do that gives no tangible reward back but happiness. I'm taking advantage of time and talents in this short amount of time allotted to me on Earth. And frankly, that's reason enough for me.
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