Last summer I watched a TED talk by Brene Brown on the power of vulnerability that really got me thinking. If you haven't already seen it, I highly recommend giving it a watch. Like most professionals invited to give TED talks, she's an excellent orator and really presents her research in a relatable manner. For those of you who haven't seen it, scroll down to the bottom for a link to the talk. Understanding her theories may give you a bit more framework for understanding my own thoughts about vulnerability and the role its played in my life.
The main truth I absorbed from this talk was how much we lose our ability to transcend as human beings and progress into our true potential by framing vulnerability as a weakness. Seems pretty simple right? But sadly, it's one of those hard facts of life that is easier said than done.Vulnerability is scary, but too often we become immobilized by its limitless potential to both create and destroy that we drown out the good. We hear these narratives around us all the time about how being open and honest to others' humanity and change makes us more susceptible to failure, heartbreak, and to being taken advantage of. And in a world obsessed with power and saving face, we talk ourselves down from any risk that might jeopardize our own individual superiority.
So we frame it as a weakness. And you know what? Vulnerability is a weakness, but it's a weakness that makes us strong. It's a hard paradox to live in, but it is the reality of human progression. There's an old Chinese proverb that says "the usefulness of a cup comes from its emptiness," and so it is with vulnerability. It is this willingness to be humble and walk into the uncertain void of our consciousness that we find the empty space we not only didn't believe existed, but deceived ourselves into thinking was full.
I often find myself struggling with this ability to remain open, to allow life to teach me new lessons and have the courage to face my own shortcomings. And part of me truly believes it is why I was drawn to the life of a wanderer, constantly chasing the questions that allow me to reflect on the development of my self and how I influence others' journey as well. People are always asking me how I can travel so easily, but the fact is it isn't always easy. I think if it were easy, I probably wouldn't appreciate the journey as well. However I know when I travel it teaches me the skills of how to live a vulnerable life and love the constant process of becoming. It teaches me how to connect to others, own my limitations, and truly become the empty cup. And that is why I choose to wander.
However while I run towards my goal of ultimately being this competent traveler open towards other humanity, I must also use this liminal space to acknowledge the ways in which I subconsciously run away from this goal at the same time. Every journey pulls us in two directions, sometimes both towards and away from our ultimate goals simultaneously. Yes, another confusing paradox. While I run towards open-mindedness, I also run away from fears of confrontation for the ways in which I have willfully added towards the unhappiness of others. When I chase life in the pursuit of love, I also run away from feelings of abandonment and my lack of faith in men. In the course of obtaining respect I hide from those who could potentially challenge my perfectly calculated facade and make me face my insecurities. In many ways, despite the progress I know I have obtained through the years, I still get stuck.
Often instead of utilizing my inner drive to change I remain still. Sometimes I stay silent because I feel my thoughts have already been expressed by those far more qualified and experienced or because I magnify my ignorance towards contributing in this larger socially constructed world we live in. The fact is I continually use sarcasm to hide my insecurity and capitalize on my independent lifestyle as an excuse not to completely speak my mind and own who I am.But I limit myself even in this brand of silence and mock "vulnerability" when actually it's just another scapegoat for why I can't face my deeper fears. In this self-defense mechanism however I ultimately lose my ability to progress by actively working against the very things I come to say that I want. I lose my ability to know a small part of what is truth by running away from my fears and the ultimate transformation of vulnerability.
For me, living a vulnerable life means communicating. Communicating openly and honestly about who I am and what I believe in a way that is respectful, open-minded, and humble to both my dynamic self and those around me. It means exploring and questioning, readjusting and committing Most of all it means being honest with yourself about the choices you are making and sticking to whatever life creed you follow as your definition of "being a good person." Though I must clarify that when I refer to being communicative I don't necessarily mean outright verbal confrontation, but rather the subtle ways we communicate our relation to others and express our own complimentary identity at the same time. To allow and trust others through communication to raise the transformative mirror towards our true personhood so that we can develop the fundamental virtue of humility. Vulnerability goes hand in hand with humility, and ultimately it is this coupling pair that enables effective communication
My resolution this year [I hope] is to actively move towards living in the paradox of vulnerability's strength. I want to have a solid communication channel open up with myself and others, hence the point of this new blog. I want to be real, open, and honest and respect the fact that my life may very well be worth documenting if only for my sanity. Hopefully in this habit I will be able to express the unabridged version of Sydney, maybe not one that people will always like or admit exists but it is there nonetheless. So I may know intimately that it is only through vulnerability that I will be empowered to face that empty space
in myself as an opportunity and not a weakness.
Brene Brown's TED talk on vulnerability: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
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