The Alpaca Rap

For those of you who might not know me very intimately, I would just like to preface this post by explaining that I have a deep deep love for alpacas. Like a sick obsession. Something nearing the level of love that Kirsten Bell has for sloths. As such, tonight in my boredom I felt inspired to write a poem about them. But since I am an uh-oh oreo and my thug life could no longer be contained, it transformed itself rather organically into a full on alpaca rap.

I'd like to now take the time to dedicate this rap to every alpaca who ever lived. I feel your common brotherhood strong in me heart and radiate that love back to you through these words. And I'd also like to dedicate this to my love, Kayla Murski, who encourages me in this preoccupation with these beloved animals. It is my hopes that these words will at least resonate with her. And finally I'd like to dedicate this to my passing sanity. It was nice knowing you and perhaps we will meet at the end of the next alpacalypse.

p.s Please imagine someone dropping a sick ass beat to this. I promise you it will be better. 

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                                                  The originial bad ass mofos on the street

The Alpaca Song

They try and get me confused, try to say that im nothn

swoop down once a season and take all my fluff'n

but there aint place on the farm for my kind of wool

so don't e'en try to fence me up in this bitch you fool!

cause i spit more game than my cousin the llama

and I'm pack'n more guns than that loser Osama

And them piggies try'n tell me I don't know how to rap

their dumb asses be spittin all kind of smack

they be sayn I'm fat, they be sayn I'm fak'n

but I be up on their ass ready to turn it to bacon

they don't know where I been, they don't know that in here

that the farmer ain't the only nigga round to fear!

The hood is where I'm from, ain't tryn to be all domestic

in the streets I be lookn all dope ass majestic

with a swag like Tupoc, I'm the king of these acres

Christopher Robin aint nothn but a punk ass hater

when that beat drops low, and i gots a sick sound

you aint find no other alpaca can stand his ground.

So alpaca my guns and alpaca my crew

bitch alpaca my own motherfuckn sandwich too!

it's time to go, ain't no time to waste

when your own hood's out to get you all over the place.