Motherhood

When you're a woman, you're supposed to like babies. Whether its nature or nurture, the assumption is at some point all women essentially desire to procreate and give birth to posterity. Growing up in a Mormon community, this is always an expectation and indeed it is the "sacred" role of women to be mothers. We had many talks growing up in Young Womens about how to prepare to be the best supporting housewives and mothers. Once you hit that 18 years of age mark, the clock is ticking for you to prove your worth by partaking in the ultimate coming-of-age sacrament for Mormon females--motherhood. And the older I get, both in and out of the Mormon community, the more I hear these pressuring narratives. Women my age are having babies left and right as baby fever takes over my gender's short and long-term goals and I feel the need to prove my motherly-instincts. Talk about pressure.

Some people I think are genuinely born to be mothers. They just posses this deep selfless desire to be of service, patience to see through the day-to-day teaching, and creativity for how to keep things interesting and provide the best for their children's care. These people are the first to run towards newborn infants, cradling them lovingly in their arms. These are the people who will overlook poop , spit up, crying, and vomit because the little tyke smiled at them an hour earlier. And godallahbuddha bless those people.

I am not one of these people. While I think babies are extremely cute, I rarely feel the inclination to have my own. It scares the hell out of me, and I know I am not alone. Every person has felt this at some point, whether its before conception, at pregnancy, or after birth when you finally realize "HOLY HELL I HAVE A LIVING BREATHING INCAPABLE HUMAN BEING TO TAKE CARE OF!" An immense responsibility. I laugh and joke with friends about how excited I am for a future family and pretend to dream along with them when we talk about our children growing up together. But the fact is when I think of babies, even in the context of a loving support system, I still get severe anxiety similar to when I think of death. Call it selfish, and I admit maybe it is. But maybe it's not. Maybe I'm not alone. And maybe this is just another way we limit our capacity as women to be mothers by constructing that it is only through procreation that our "role" can be fulfilled.

To me, motherhood comes in many forms. I think in order to progress we really need to take a broad interpretation of what it means to be a mother in today's society to fit people's personal strengths. Motherhood is wherever you find a person in need and are willing to selflessly serve and love them with no thought of external reward. To me, that's motherhood. No where in that is it exclusive to your own flesh and blood. No where in that does it say that are you confined towards caring solely for a certain age demographic. We need to be mothers wherever we may be ladies, as a common human call towards our human community.

I love taking care of people, that's what I love. I would rather go out of my way to help a homeless person get back on their feet than babysit a baby cousin for a few weeks. That's not my "life call" you might say, or at least not yet, and that's alright. There are other ways I can be of worth, other ways I can show I love and care for my fellow community and be motherly. I'm open towards change in the future as I grow into myself more, but I won't be pressured into the traditional title of motherhood and jump into something I'm not fully committed to. I've seen what that does to kids, and I know better than to be that kind of person who quits.

This is not a certain gender's responsibility, and indeed men should also redefine what it means to be a father outside of traditional "provider" roles to facilitate a more peaceful human family. But scapegoating our inaction because of others neglect is not justification for why we don't fulfill our roles to love and serve. Expanding this idea of motherhood might be exactly what the modern woman needs in trying to reconcile the whole career/family debate between our masculine/feminine divide. We need to create a larger encompassing "in" group of what it means to be a mother, rather than marginalize these alternative forms of motherhood. Whether or not I ever decide to physically give birth, or welcome someone else's child into my family through adoption, or serve in another motherly capacity is my own choice.And in this broader definition, I look forward to being a mother in whatever capacity that may be.