The Modern Family

I had perhaps one of the loveliest Christmas Evenings in remembrance tonight with my second adopted family, The Hollands, whom I love very very much. I was extremely lucky to befriend Ben and Alex in high school, and have since remained very close with the family to the point that they will forever be my Momma and Papa Holland. Hanging out with them got me thinking about how exactly we define family in our modernized world, especially in a season that emphasizes this familial spirit.

Many times I feel as though the obligatory love of blood family doesn't count for a lot--it is nice to know they are there, but I value ones that go above and beyond and choose to love me outside of any commitment. Don't get me wrong, I love blood family, but that's not what ultimately fulfills me in life. It's the ones that choose to love and accept me into their hearts that I consider family, whether or not there are common genes. For me, a friend means more than family. My family can be my friend, or they can simply be family. When that element of choice is brought into it however, it makes the connection that much deeper.

So we headed down to Raymond, Washington, for the annual Christmas Eve family get together. Although it was my first time, I felt very honored to be invited into such an intimate tradition. Besides, Aunt Carolyn was a great hero in my eyes with her strong unforgiving demeanor and warm accepting wisdom that I always lept at any opportunity to meet with her. When we first arrived at Aunt Carolyn's tonight I noticed this sign over the entrance that seemed to capture all that I was feeling among my new family:

Ultimately we know we can't choose our blood family, but we can choose who we accept into our lives as our modern day family. I have many friends who come from different walks of life with different relations to their traditional families, but they always seem to have the will to know that their family is what they wish it to be. And more often than not these friends come to be on the same level or even more important than the ties chosen for us by blood. And it's a beautiful thing to know that this most sacred of bond grows and is both ascribed and chosen so that no one is left behind. Your family can never be too big.

As we sat around tonight, chatting about dumb reality tv shows, eating crab, taking pictures, talking spirituality, and simply enjoying each other's company I was moved by how much a group of complete strangers can come to mean the world to you. My family in Washington is not big on the family get-togethers, and as such I often feel deprived of a rambunctious household with many different characters and story lines that keep the holidays interesting.  Knowing that The Hollands willingly accepted me as a part of the family gave my little heart so much happiness that at moments all I could do was sit back and marvel at how much potential there is for human progression. It is times like this that give me hope in humanity.

Family is another socially constructed relational system and if we can expand the definition of what it means to be a family, I know the holidays and our lives in general will be that much richer. When we extend this exclusive group reserved for love and acceptance to include so many other needy souls looking for that comfort and compassion in a world torn apart by hate, we will truly harness the spirit of the season. Since Christmas time is the time to reflect on what family means, lets take the time to reflect on these larger family groups that need that love and peace as we create our modern family.

I'm forever grateful for all of those in my life whom I have been proud to call family, and I look forward to discovering those soul mates who I can continue to welcome into my home and my heart through the years as my modern family grows. I love you all, and I'm so glad to be alive and to know that I am loved and to love in return.

Mele Kalikimaka, Joyeux Noel, and Merry Christmas to you all.